Passing Gas

Saturday, September 2, 2017 9:37 AM

A seriouosly tongue-In-cheek piece I wrote in the ’90’s

I do not believe my morality is based on my vehicle or am I lying??  Let me explain...

Everyone is putting their two cents in about SUV’s, I thought that I should as well.  After all, that’s what America is about: any pinhead with an opinion and absolutely no expertise or even an adequate education gets the opportunity to tell everybody else what to think.

How Sports Utility Vehicles became controversial, I’m not sure.  In case you’ve been living in a shack like the Unibomber with no television and no running water, I’ll bring you up to date.

A group who call themselves the Evangelical Environmental Network has paid to air a television commercial asking the rhetorical question, “What would Jesus drive?”  The last thing we need in New Jersey is a lot of people who were around before the first millennium driving cars or SUV’s.  If I wanted that, I’d move to Florida.

This group believes that Christian Americans have a duty to drive smaller cars, and carpool because this reflects “loving thy neighbor as yourself”.

I don’t see how driving an SUV hurts your neighbor.  Unless you have a habit of trying to run him over every time you back out of your driveway.  At which point, I think you should look deep inside yourself and work on your aim.  

But, if you want to see people crabby— stick them in a carpool.  Boy, you can imagine the brotherly love spewing forth if the driver is a couple minutes late.

This Evangelical group has gotten support of many other groups that claim to love the environment, while at the same time getting a big kick out of telling the rest of us how to live our lives.  You know the type, Washington is full of them.  People like former Vice-President Al Gore, who in his book, “EARTH IN THE BALANCE,” claimed that the internal combustion engine was America’s biggest threat. He, of course, has a great deal of experience, traveling everywhere he goes in private jets and limousines, followed by other large cars and jets filled with the people who protect him.

I personally drive a minivan. My next purchase may be a Ford Expedition. I did not pick this car for its mileage, economy, or ethics. No, I chose it because the seats fold into the floor, and I’ve almost ended up in the hospital looking like a misused pretzel trying to remove the seats in or out of my current vehicle. Each set of seats weighs upward of 2,000 pounds, and is designed to be impossible for one or two people— or a football team— to carry.

But that’s how changes are SUPPOSED to occur in a free-market system.  Detroit comes up with innovations, and the driving public votes with their wallet.

To me, this entire debate brings up the bigger question which is:  when did driving become a moral or immoral choice? 

I think it’s great to love the planet.  Heck, this planet has been real good to me.  It’s great to love animals and trees— even the ones that aren’t cute and fuzzy or animated by Walt Disney.

But traditionally, morality has always been judged by how we treat other people.  That’s why there isn’t a commandment that says— THOU SHALT NOT HAVE A LARGER CHARIOT THAN THY NEIGHBOR.

If you want to make a difference on our highways, try being a courteous driver.  Don’t curse at the lady driving too slowly, don’t give the finger to the stupid guy who cut you off.  Take your time and try to love your fellow members of the human race as they, like you, just try to get somewhere in a piece of metal hurtling down the road at sixty-five miles per hour.

Those would be the moral choices I think someone like Jesus would make— even if he was driving an SUV  

Personally, I see him as a trucker— and he always toots the horn for the kids— but that’s me.